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[02 Mar 2003|06:41pm] |
Girls are stupid. If I get the "I'm sorry, but nice guys aren't attractive" speech one more time, I'm going to murder someone.
I need a hug.
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[27 Feb 2003|05:48pm] |
no one understands...
how cliche of me to say that...
and yet how true it seems.
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[09 Feb 2003|01:48am] |
Glide constituion glide.
Let the rain fall whiter than your sheets
And though we may throw our pillows on the floor
I'll still pass off leather jackets like handshakes to the wind.
Just to talk all night,
From miles away
Until I drop the microphone from this shattered stage-
And sit hand in hand,
Wondering why I dawned this hoodless shirt
On a day like today.
I sit silently... Counting.
And as the snow pulls the hair in my eyes,
I wont even bother to react.
I'll just let the water stream down my face
Forming a tear that I cannot.
Because today,
Nature is my expression.
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[09 Feb 2003|01:41am] |
I don't sleep anymore ;alsdkjds;lfkj
fuck being sick
oh yeh.. OWEN rules. I'm seeing breaking pangaea on monday.
I'm not doing homework.
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[08 Feb 2003|04:43pm] |
Will you be my valentine?
If so pick me up on friday at 8pm.
Thanks.
-Chris
*shamelessly uses live journal as a dating service*
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[30 Jan 2003|01:48pm] |
its been over a month since I've updated this journal. So I updated my picture and replied to some peoples journals ...
and so now I'm bored and want some mindless conversation. So bring it on.
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[21 Dec 2002|11:45am] |
I've learned the following things in the last year and from this journal
-People scare me.
-The internet scares me.
-People on the internet really scare me.
And with that, we part.
Goodbye.
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[21 Dec 2002|09:04am] |
my kitty thinks you're gay.
I have finished my quest for the One Ring. I have it now. You're all fucked
I'm hanging out with Liz today.
Yesterday I got a $200 bonus from work and they let me leave at 1pm. I am so happy its not even funny.
Also, I heard this incredible song on the radio by Jump Little Children called cathedrals and its enough to make me want to buy their cd.
I will do that today.
I talked to Noelle on the phone yesterday, although she hates avril lavigne, she does like pedro the lion, so she has some redeeming qualities.
I'm also about 5 seconds away from changing my journal and deleting this one. I already have another made.
-Fin
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[19 Dec 2002|11:34pm] |
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Im hanging out with liz on saturday :)
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[19 Dec 2002|10:31am] |
Icarus and I, we go way back
From over your shoulder
I caught you illustrating tomorrow.
Your previous attempts littered the ground,
And tears detailed your obvious frustrations.
You looked through me
Hoping to find your answers
Held behind my back.
Awaiting your atlantis,
You bowed your head and sighed
As there was nothing
But insecurity and broken guitar strings.
"Today," you said
As if you were going to rant until the sun came up.
Tell me things I never knew,
Then fix my hanging jaw.
Off you stared,
Maybe waiting for the sky to match the color of my eyes.
Maybe waiting for a sign from God,
Or Occams Razor to cut into anyones heart but yours.
"Today," you said,
And then never spoke again.
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[18 Dec 2002|02:23pm] |
::Affirmative Action::
I don't think I have ever expressed my opinions on this topic in here and its really something that affects all of us, it affects our everyday life and it degrades american society, so we should really talk about it.
Affirmative Action began because many federal jobs weren't available to minorities because contractors didn't know how to advertise to minorities or where to advertise for them to know that these jobs existed.
They were supposed to take affirmative action to make sure that minorities knew these jobs existed and were able to apply for them.
The idea was that if you increased this sort of advertisement , you would increase the job pool of applicants of minority races and thus equalize things.
This was what the notion of what affirmative action should be, but it has since been warped into mindless racism.
We now have policies in place that are directly related to the color of someones skin.
There was a rather large case going on in michigan where a girl was suing for discrimination.
Michigan bases their admissions on a point system. You get so many points based on your GPA, your SAT scores, having a good essay, and so on.
If you apply to michigan and you are a minority, you automatically get 20 extra points on your score.
That is the equivalent of raising your GPA from 2.0 to 3.0
or from 3.0 to 4.0.
Its more points than you would get for getting a perfect scores on the SATs.
Simply for being a different color, you are automatically placed leaps and bounds above other more qualified students.
Its one thing to equalize oppurtunity, its another to discriminate against more qualified students.
There are a few real world places where this begins to really show its true colors.
When you go and bring your child to a doctor when they need surgery are you going to want a doctor that got where they got because of the color of their skin? Do you care that the doctor had a diverse classroom? Or would you care more that the doctor was the top of his class?
I would hope you would want the absolute best for your child.
As would I.
When you start admitting people over those that are more qualified, you are risking lives.
This also comes up in the Fire Department which has tests to determine who can and can't be a fireman.
If someone doesn't do as well on the physical test, should they be given more consideration based on gender or color of their skin?
Would you rather a small black woman or some huge guy pulling you out of a fire?
I definitely believe in the idea that everyone should have an oppurtunity, but having an oppurtunity and being given hand outs are two completely different things.
I don't get hand outs because I'm white.
You shouldn't get hand outs just because you're a minority.
I know plenty of minorities who are smarter than me, who are stronger than me, and so on. They have no problem achieving.
The real issue here is class more than race.
What about inner city white kids , who have as little chance as inner city black kids? Do we just not care about them at all?
Race based admissions and reparations are foolish.
You don't see anyone complaining that the NBA and NFL are mostly black, because those are the best players. Those people are the best at what they do.
As all jobs should be.
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[18 Dec 2002|01:48am] |
We're at 0 lives
And I'm all out of quarters.
THE END.
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[18 Dec 2002|12:16am] |
for a brief moment we thought we found the answer to finding a utopia, but then we were quicking smacked back into reality.
why the stare 17 (12:04:43 AM): and a utopian society should at least eliminate the desire for wealth
why the stare 17 (12:05:15 AM): one thing that really interests me about star trek
why the stare 17 (12:05:31 AM): is the concept that on 24th century earth, there is no such thing as money
why the stare 17 (12:05:36 AM): i'd love to know how that society works
neverIIIx (12:05:42 AM): but isn't everything
neverIIIx (12:05:43 AM): rationed
why the stare 17 (12:05:54 AM): i think so
why the stare 17 (12:06:10 AM): with the advent of replicators...you can make whatever you want as long as you have power
neverIIIx (12:06:12 AM): but then you probably still have people abusing that
why the stare 17 (12:06:17 AM): so what's the need for buying goods?
neverIIIx (12:06:44 AM): what happens to an economy without buying and selling
neverIIIx (12:06:45 AM): ha
why the stare 17 (12:06:53 AM): hah it's no longer an economy
neverIIIx (12:06:54 AM): there isn't one
why the stare 17 (12:07:04 AM): man we need replicators!
neverIIIx (12:07:12 AM): they would make the world awesome
why the stare 17 (12:07:15 AM): that's the utopian solution!
neverIIIx (12:07:42 AM): we need to publish this in the news or something
why the stare 17 (12:07:44 AM): then again, why do people in modern day society work?
why the stare 17 (12:08:01 AM): to achieve material gain most of the time no?
why the stare 17 (12:08:09 AM): a nice house, nice car, etc
neverIIIx (12:08:30 AM): so then in that society
neverIIIx (12:08:34 AM): everyone is provided for
neverIIIx (12:08:43 AM): so once we have replicators
why the stare 17 (12:08:44 AM): so where's the motivation to work?
neverIIIx (12:08:49 AM): the common job is gone
neverIIIx (12:08:57 AM): no more retail
why the stare 17 (12:08:57 AM): ahhh i hadn't thought of that
neverIIIx (12:09:13 AM): retail becomes antiques and people buying for the love of collection I would imagine
why the stare 17 (12:09:15 AM): most jobs are in either industry or business
why the stare 17 (12:09:49 AM): then what about the question of property?
why the stare 17 (12:09:58 AM): with no money, how is that dealt with
neverIIIx (12:10:10 AM): its not dealt with
neverIIIx (12:10:11 AM): it just is
why the stare 17 (12:10:17 AM): haha
neverIIIx (12:10:26 AM): we would have to soon
neverIIIx (12:10:28 AM): er
neverIIIx (12:10:30 AM): *assume
neverIIIx (12:10:34 AM): that we were at the point where
neverIIIx (12:10:42 AM): we expanded enough already to have room for everyone
why the stare 17 (12:10:50 AM): yeah
why the stare 17 (12:11:01 AM): but then can everyone just live wherever they want?
why the stare 17 (12:11:03 AM): orrrr
why the stare 17 (12:11:12 AM): as an incentive to work
why the stare 17 (12:11:23 AM): in whatever industries are left
why the stare 17 (12:11:36 AM): give the nicest residences to those people who work
neverIIIx (12:12:11 AM): everyone lives in one of those
neverIIIx (12:12:13 AM): apartment thingys
neverIIIx (12:12:14 AM): haha
why the stare 17 (12:12:16 AM): haha
why the stare 17 (12:12:22 AM): so it's a lot like communism in that sense
neverIIIx (12:12:24 AM): yes
neverIIIx (12:12:29 AM): but
neverIIIx (12:12:41 AM): then you still run into the problem that
neverIIIx (12:12:47 AM): if you let people believe in whatever they want
neverIIIx (12:12:50 AM): you can't have harmony
neverIIIx (12:12:56 AM): you can't have harmony with religious freedom
neverIIIx (12:13:03 AM): you can't have a utopian society
neverIIIx (12:13:05 AM): without it
why the stare 17 (12:13:06 AM): that's true
why the stare 17 (12:13:21 AM): star trek never really addressed what happened to religion on earth
neverIIIx (12:14:02 AM): damn them
why the stare 17 (12:14:07 AM): hah yeah
neverIIIx (12:14:09 AM): they expect us to figure this out on our own :-(
why the stare 17 (12:14:14 AM): that would have made for some interesting episodes
why the stare 17 (12:14:16 AM): hahaha yeah
neverIIIx (12:14:26 AM): I WANTED TO SEE DATA AS A MORMON
neverIIIx (12:14:55 AM): ROBOTS WITH 8 WIVES
why the stare 17 (12:14:58 AM): hahaha
why the stare 17 (12:15:19 AM): i'm sure he can multitask better than a human...he could satisfy every one of them!
neverIIIx (12:15:30 AM): haha
neverIIIx (12:15:32 AM): quote of the year.
why the stare 17 (12:16:10 AM): :-)
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[17 Dec 2002|07:22am] |
For the last few weeks, I've felt like something was missing.
I've had this feeling since I saw John Mayer and I'm almost positive its directly related to just being lonely, but sometimes I wonder if thats even it.
Sometimes I wonder if there is any real purpose to this journal, if me expressing my inner most thoughts is doing anything but hurting me.
I've lost more than one friend because of things I've said in this journal.
Even family problems have started because of things I've said in this journal.
Are those things worth the therapy? Worth the attention?
Is it worth telling people how I really feel if it means they will no longer want to associate with me, because of the philosophies I live my life by?
Is this why so many people just bottle themselves up and never talk to anyone about anything?
I mentioned to someone the other day, something that I truely believe,
"you can't be friends with everyone"
thats just common sense, but its something we all lose site of every once in a while.
My problem at times is
"can I be friends with anyone?"
I was sitting in work crying yesterday because I might have lost a friend.
I was crying in my work...
And now I'm crying now.
With only weeks until I start classes again, I just know things aren't going to get any better.
Sometimes its like why do I bother being nice to anyone when all it takes it a single line of text to ruin years of a friendship?
Why invest emotion into a person at all?
My outlook on life is a curse.
People call me a prick,
and honestly I wish I could be more of one. I wish I didn't have to sit here and cry about losing friends. I wish I could just say, "people don't matter"
I wish I could go out and use women for sex and not cry about being used myself.
I wish I could drown my life in alcohol and not have to worry about the consequences.
I wish I could go murder a bunch of people.
Because apparently doing all those things would make me a better person than who I am right now.
Murderers are ok. Rapists are ok. Hitler was ok...
but me... me thinking I might be better than them... I'm not ok.
Me caring so much about losing my friends that I'm in tears...
I'm not ok.
I'm going to go back to sleep now, and be late for work because life is fucking stupid.
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[16 Dec 2002|11:21pm] |
I know what I'm doing on thursday.. I just got this email from apollo sunshine
------------------------
Hi Boston,
We are playing a Benefit for Piebald's lead singer, Travis Shettel
this
Thursday at the downstairs Middle East....
Travis recently had a very neccessary throat surgery that allows him
to
now sing an amazing 7 octaves....Unfortunately he does not have health
insurance... so the medical bills are out-ra-geous....So, all the
profits at
this 7 band show at the middle east are going towards his medical
bills....
Piebald is an amazing amazing band.... I had the pleasure of growing
up
with them and watching them get better and better with each album...
they
were one of my first big influences and they continue to inspire me in
many
ways....
So... instead of doing our own songs for this show....
APOLLO SUNSHINE IS DOING AN ENTIRE PIEBALD COVER SET....
And while we still haven't rehearsed for this show yet... Like many
of
you folks cramming for finals, I am confident that with a few pots of
coffee.... we will be more than ready to rock come showtime...
We also have special T-shirts that will only be available for at
this
show only!....
So.....
Everybody come.... I promise fun...
We play late.... so bring a date....
That way if the bands before us suck....
You can go out to your car and _ _ _ _ !
see you at the show!
APOLLO SUNSHINE plays PIEBALD
DOWNSTAIRS MIDDLE EAST
THURSDAY, DEC. 19th
10? sure...
18+
love
jesse &
apollo sunshine
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[16 Dec 2002|06:56pm] |
Driving home from work I heard an interesting statistic on the radio. I didn't catch the source, so I'm sorry about that, the guy only said it once.
50% of the United States top wage earners, pay 96% if the nations taxes.
That sounds pretty good to me. So the bottom 50% only pay 4% of the taxes, that sounds reasonable
but the part that was really depressing is that, to be in the top 50% of wage earners in the united states, a family only needed a combined income of $30,000.
Half of the families in this country make less than that.
I found that interesting.
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[16 Dec 2002|05:36pm] |
Before I leave work I want to clarify a few things I said and issue a few apologies.
Some of my friends were offended by my view of drugs. I don't know if they want their names mentioned so I'm not going to mention their names unless they specifically ask me to.
I have run into a wall with some friends over the issue of one human being being better than another human being.
Its really the classic argument between liberals and conservatives over whether humans are different because of achievement or if there is really any difference at all.
I personally believe that if you were to put me in a room with adolf hilter. And everyone was to sit there and judge our lives, that it would not be that odd for people to say that
I am better than Adolf Hitler.
It also wouldn't surprise me for people to say that Adolf Hitler was better than me.
I don't kill people.
He achieved some major military victories.
In any event, there are things that allow us to be judged.
From the stand point of my friends, no one deserves to be judged. No one is better than anyone else.
You or I are not better than someone who uses drugs and does nothing with their lives.
You or I are not better than a child molesting priest
And Rich people, Mother Teresa and assorted others are not better than us.
I personally find both fields of thought valid in certain circumstances.
But they are just that.. fields of thought.
My statements about drugs are my statements and opinions based on the life I have lived.
Growing up,
I was raised in an environment, where drugs and the people that I knew who used them... were everything I hated.
They were x friends who ditched me, they were alcoholics who beat my mother, they were the kids in school who picked on me, they were what took away a best friend of mine.
Those circumstances warped me into an extreme hardline straight edge kid for many years.
I have since opened up a lot, and started socializing more with people who use drugs and drink. I have a lot of friends that do drugs, I have even gone to a party before with my friend judith.
I have accepted that some people just want to do whatever they want to do.
With that said,
It is quite possible that there are people out there, who use drugs and who I am not better than.
It is quite possible that there are people out there, addicted to drugs, who want desperately to have a better life who I am definitely not better than.
The entire notion of being better than someone, simply stems from my out look on what is good for my life.
I will, because I can, because its my life and my right to do so, judge people based on the same ladder that I judge myself.
Me saying that I am better than a child molesting priest, doesn't mean that he can't go and change his life and make himself a better person and be back on my level...
Just like a junkie can do the same thing, or a murderer.
I believe that everyone can change.
I don't believe that everyone wants to, or that everyone will.
I don't believe that I owe anything to these people who don't want to, because nothing I say to them is going to change their minds... they owe it to themselves to make that decision if they so choose.
If they choose to die from drugs,
if they choose to molest kids,
if they choose to rape women or kill people.
That is certainly their choice,
It doesn't mean I have to alter my morals to respect their choice, it simply means its their right to make that choice.
Why does it bother me so much that people use drugs?
Because I've seen what its done to friends. I have had a friend taken away from me because of it.
I have seen it ruin lives.
I have been to a narcotics anonymous meeting. I listened to people tell me how drugs and alcohol have ruined their lives and their families lives.
So I am bitter towards this disease that many people have to live with.
I hate it.
It pisses me off that people I care about how to suffer because of it.
It bothers me because I care about my friends.
I love all my friends. I hope they know that.
I don't mean to offend anyone with my opinions, they are just that... my opinions.
You don't have to have the same opinions because you haven't lived my life or seen what I have seen, and I haven't lived your life and seen or experienced what you have seen.
I just know whats best for me.
And like any other human or anyone else who cares, I want whats best for my friends as well.
I feel really awful if any of you were hurt by what I said... I'm sorry.
I have talked time and time again about how little the word sorry means, so I hope you know that at least when I say it, that I mean it.
I'm not trying to brush anything aside here.
I simply want to clarify my opinion,
even my clarified opinion I'm sure will still offend some people. I know in fact it does more than one.
But You are all still my friends, because even if we don't agree on whether or not we might be better than someone else...
in the end, when we need each other
we are there for each other and I think that is way more important than our political ideals.
At least I hope it is.
I love you.
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[16 Dec 2002|01:50pm] |
TAKING BACK SUNDAY with
Coheed and Cambria, The Exit, My Chemical Romance
Sunday, December 29 at 6:00PM
Doors at 5:00PM
Tickets $13.00
This is an all ages show
ON SALE NOW
<33333333333333
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[16 Dec 2002|12:15pm] |
Drug Use Declines Among American Teens
http://www.cnn.com/2002/HEALTH/parenting/12/16/teens.drugs.ap/index.html
That actually totally makes me happy.
I'm glad to see kids across America are finally waking up and seeing that they are being used by drugs and the dealers to put money in the pockets of drug lords and corporate americans.
I hope more kids continue to open their eyes to this and stop falling in line with their favorite bands and media sold images how "wonderful" drugs are.
Kids want to rebel.. little do they realize they are rebelling right into the hands of their waiting abusers.
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neveriiix's journal